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What the hell are you starin' at?!
Together with Cornfed, his portly, porcine partner in crime solving, this defective detective amazingly manages to solve crimes and be a single parent to his hilariously dysfunctional sons at the same time.
Annoyed with the current state of the film industry, Duckman goes to Hollywood to demand his $7 back. Instead, he falls into the plot of a soon-to-be deposed studio executive, a man who's looking for a patsy to run the studio into the ground in hopes of saving his own job. Duckman becomes head of Paradox Pictures, where ""if it's a good movie its a Paradox"". He quickly begins running through the studio's money, signs a secretary to a 340 million dollar deal to star in a movie in her underpants. The deposed executive also arranges it so that Duckman manages to alienate the studio's three biggest action stars.
With the Father & Son Games coming up, Duckman looks for an alternative to competing with Ajax. He spots a more than adequate replacement in recording artist Coolio, who's returned to school to replace his high school diploma. Coolio does not compete with Duckman. Ajax competes with Duckman and even tho they don't win, it has made Duckman and Ajax's bond stronger.
Duckman is imprisoned for killing Fluffy and Uranus, again. However, he is accidentally sent to a women's prison. A dream of his comes true! In fact Duckman fits in quite well and becomes the star attraction in the warden's side business, a dance ring. Everything's going great until Suzy comes along.
Duckman and Cornfed hire a college intern for the agency. The intern undermines Cornfed's reputation and indulges Duckman's self-destructive behavior. Duckman must choose between his flashy new assistant (who may be trying to kill him) and his old partner.
Duckman finds an old high school classmate who's been homeless due to something Duckman did to him 20 years ago. Duckman's attempts to help only make things worse.
Cornfed along with Charles and Mambo prepare the ultimate aphrodisiac for Duckman to turn his love life around. They give him a limited amount of the potion, but he quickly replicates it in huge batches. Now he has more woman than he can deal with. Bernice discovers what is going on and demands that he stop. When the real thing occurs between Duckman and actress Courtney Thorne-Smith, no one believes him.
Duckman takes the family and the staff on a holiday to a real Indian reservation, with a casino. While there, a psychiatrist notices Duckman and the rest of the family's overall self-destructive behavior. She offers them treatment that involves a role-playing session that uncovers some of their real issues.
Duckman and Cornfed are hired to perform surveillance on a laboratory that is performing experiments on intelligence formulas. Cornfed accidentally swallows a ""Get Dumb"" formula, that falls in with the plans of the scientist who created it. If Cornfed gets cured, will Ajax lose his first true friend?
Duckman quests for friendship when Cornfed is the only guest at his surprise party. He begins hanging out at a coffee shop that is filled with a group of twenty-somethings named Ditzi, Bobby, Sassy, Pete and Marion. Together they discuss their ""problems"" a la Friends with a side of Ellen.
Duckman and the gang travel to San Francisco to attend Dickcon 97. He thinks he is being honored with an ""achievement"" award. When he gets there, he encounters an old rival from detective school. The rival is running the event and takes every opportunity to humiliate him. One of these methods involves an attempt to find a kidnapped Cornfed.
Duckman takes the family and Cornfed out for dinner. The karaoke machine comes out and Bernice's rantings against Duckman are heard by a record company big-wig. He markets her as an Alanis Morrisette type of singing sensation; however, the tour takes a toll on her and the family.
Bernice travels to Washington to assume her new role as Congresswoman. Duckman spots a woman who happens to look like Beatrice, but gets hit by a bus. It turns out that she is Beatrice and Bernice's long lost triplet. Bev realizes the only way to keep Duckman alive is to pretend to be Beatrice.
Duckman plans a big poker for the evening. Unfortunately before the game his obnoxious Uncle Mo arrives and claims he is dying. To avoid the curse that befell his cousin, Duckman tries to wait on him hand and foot. Just how much of his Uncle can he take?
Duckman and Cornfed become plumbers and their first job takes them to a society gathering in a mansion. While not doing his job, Duckman discovers that the cursed ""Sharon Stone"" is missing; he and Cornfed try to recover the diamond before the hostess discovers the theft. After the diamond is revealed to be missing, its curse comes into play and traps them in the mansion.
Cornfed leaves for a much-needed vacation. While he is away, Duckman becomes mesmerized by a black model/private eye who quickly gets him involved in a world of murder, power, lust and every black exploitation cliché that exists with a side of a Spelling/Goldberg production.
Duckman inherits a minor league baseball team as the dying wish of the owner who is trying to keep the team from hands of a banker. To boost attendance he stages a series of stunts, that humiliate and scare the players into quitting. He ""hires"" nine super-models to take their place and they are an instant success. Cornfed teaches them the fundamentals of baseball and they become a great team. The banker institutes a scheme to prevent the supermodels from winning the big game and Cornfed discovers his other scheme on the Internet in the newsgroup alt.villians.greedy-schemes.
Beverly asks Bernice if she knows anything about Grandma-ma's past. The coma-bound Grandma-ma recalls her past in a series of flashbacks that involves a tortured romance with two characters who look and sound a lot like Cornfed (Petrov) and Duckman (Trigorin) with Russian accents.
Duckman needs a new kidney. To get one requires a donation from a blood relative. He searches for his father, who he thought was cryogenically frozen. Instead he discovers that the man he thought was his father, wasn't. Using the power of the Microsoft Network (Blatant Plug!), the twins and Cornfed find where dad is currently living. Duckman and Cornfed travel there, only to find that his is a paranoid schizophrenic who's formed his own country.
Duckman backs his car into a cute girl in front the house. Finding out that she is on her own, Beverly and the family invite her to stay; however, Beverly becomes the victim when Tami tries to takeover a have a ""perfect family.""
Duckman purchases a mail-order bride, from Tetzloff; however, she's really a jungle savage. With Cornfed's help, they attempt to civilize her a'la My Fair Lady. He asks for her hand in marriage on a ""Surprise Proposals"" episode of Leeza and things go awry when the flashbulbs go off.
