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It's the First World War. Our nation's heroes are fighting the good fight on foreign soil, but in one sleepy English village three young men remain: George is a conscientious objector, Cecil has flat feet and Bert really is a coward, unfortunately. They don't fight on the front line, but they do fight each other.
George joins fiancée Winky in writing letters to lonely soldiers whilst Cecil joins the Needlework Guild to send them warm clothes and Bert fails to impress Agnes by trying to get in on the act since all the women are on sex strike in solidarity with the fighters at the front. Cecil however is dismayed to find that his is the effigy on the Guy Fawkes night bonfire.
News arrives that the first Rittle man has died in battle, prompting Bert to make a move on his widow. George, meanwhile, faces a moral dilemma at work.
The boys are immediately suspicious when, out of the blue, a pretty girl named Penny asks Cecil to be her boyfriend. Maybe, just maybe, she thinks Cecil is a catch. Or, she's got an ulterior motive.
With so few men around, Cecil becomes paranoid that he is being systematically emasculated. Outraged, he decides to take matters into his own hands and prove his manhood once and for all.
Cecil is horrified to learn that George has invited the village leper over for dinner, and he's even more horrified when the village leper stands them up.
The soldiers are back on leave, which means Cecil, George and Bert finally have some other men to talk to.
